How to Stop Bringing Work Stress Home with Crystal Rowland

Rod Richard: All right, welcome back to the Forfeit Fatherhood Podcast, a podcast forefathers by fathers, where we talk about the four pillars of fatherhood, which are faith, family, finance, and fitness. And I know I said forefathers by fathers, but I think at times we get kind of caught in the weeds only hearing from ourselves. Like we only we only talk to dads and we only talk to guys and we only get that perspective on life. But there's so many other perspectives. That we need to take in and and we can learn from and we can become better men, husbands, fathers, leaders if we just stop for a second thinking we know everything and listen. So my guest today is not a father, but she has some advice that I think fathers can use, especially for those of us in the workforce, because we all know work is hard and then bringing work home is even worse. And so my guest today is Crystal Rowland. Crystal, how you doing?

Crystal Rowland: I'm doing wonderful, doing beautifully well. How are you, Rod?

Rod Richard: I'm good. I'm good. I am I'm enjoying

Crystal Rowland: Awesome.

Rod Richard: the day so far. It's a little bit warm. but I I I I guess I'd rather that than it be cold and raining, so I'm I'm I'm okay.

Crystal Rowland: Your mod is a little warm, it's hot, disrespectfully hot. I'll be glad when

Rod Richard: Yeah, yeah.

Crystal Rowland: it's over with.

Rod Richard: It's interesting this this heat wave that we've had 'cause it was supposed to actually rain here today. but I got up

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: I got up this morning, the sun was shining, the birds are chirping and not a cloud in the sky. So I don't know

Crystal Rowland: Wow.

Rod Richard: if it's coming later on tonight and that's why it's kinda it's humid, which is not normal for California. so I'm assuming

Crystal Rowland: Mm

Rod Richard: the rain is coming, but it is not here yet and then the clouds are not stopping

Crystal Rowland: Yeah.

Rod Richard: the sun from doing its job.

Crystal Rowland: You're right, mother nature is going to do whatever the heck she wanna do,

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: so we just gotta fall in line.

Rod Richard: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. All right, Crystal. So so for the fellas who who maybe haven't heard of you yet, would you tell a little bit about yourself and maybe some about the work that you do.

Crystal Rowland: Absolutely. My name is Crystal and I am the founder of Path to Serenity Consultant. And I found Path to Serenity Consultant just based off of my 15 years of experience working in high pressure corporate call center environments. I was working for GEICO for 13 plus years and I've experienced you know being a frontline agent and then moving to an auditor and management. And I noticed how super easy it is to carry over emotions from one difficult customer conversation, manager conversation, just going from one emotional. stress to the other without even addressing it. We're always on the go at work. We're always expected to be quick on our feet while we have some things going on. you know, that emotional carryover is hiding in plain sight in the workplace. And so at the same time with my own journey, what I discovered when I started burning out. At work, I I turned to counseling. Counseling is such a beautiful thing, you know, someone to talk to instead of someone who you know. So I started, you know, seeking counseling and incorporated meditation, stoicism, and Buddhism, mindfulness into my daily practices just to help me with my emotional carryover, especially at work, because it affects my numbers, it it affects my team. And I just started looking within to see what I was most controlled over. Because a lot of things we are not in control over. So with by you meditating, by having that mindfulness, it teach you how

Rod Richard: with by you meditating, by having that mindfulness, it's keep

Crystal Rowland: to just stop in that moment and really regulate and just picture, pinpoint

Rod Richard: It is picture

Crystal Rowland: the emotion, reframing and re-enter into the next interaction

Rod Richard: enter into the net interact.

Crystal Rowland: with so much more clarity. So I just started addressing my emotions at the time and really just calming myself down and just thinking of what I am in control of and what I'm not in control of for just more clarity. And that is what made me

Rod Richard: That is what made me

Crystal Rowland: create the path of serenity consulting because I realized that in the workplace we need more presence, we need more mindfulness. in order for us to be our better sales in the workplace.

Rod Richard: Okay. All right. Was it w w was it like a particular like I don't know, maybe we call it a breaking point where you were like, this is this is not okay for me to continue to do this. Like it's not good for my health or it's not good for my my outside of work life, or was it just kind of compounding just, you know, the daily stresses of the job?

Crystal Rowland: All of the above. I'm I'm the type of person where I care about others more than myself. I want to make sure that they're happy before I am. And that's how it is when you're at work, especially when you're have a job where it's customer facing, you always, you know, focus on the customer, right? and putting yourself on the back end. And therefore I realized that I was doing that and I really wasn't paying attention to myself. I just seen the domino effect because I wasn't taking care I wasn't taking care of my emotions and I saw how it affected my numbers at work, how I affect my team's numbers at work and how it affected me at home. I was carrying everything at home as well. It emotional carryover is a all day thing.

Rod Richard: Mm.

Crystal Rowland: When you really think about it, it's an all-day thing because you're really not addressing your emotions at that very moment. It's just piling up. And because we really just don't take that time, just those few seconds. I call it a wisdom pause. Just take that few seconds of that wisdom pause to just stop and really just think about why am I feeling this way? Where did this come from?

Rod Richard: Mm-hmm. And therefore we can once we

Crystal Rowland: And therefore we can once we realize that a lot of times when we carry emotions over, a lot of times that's not our emotion. Prime example, if you take a phone call from a customer, and of course you can't really help what people say to you. And therefore the customer may could be having a bad day, but they need your help. So they're calling in, seeking help, but they have emotional carryover going on as well. And so therefore you can have a difficult conversation with the customer, and the customer ends, and you're still thinking about that conversation. You're still thinking about that how that customer treats you. And this is a time where you take that pause and realize okay, what what am I feeling right now? Am I feeling frustrated? Am I feeling confused? What am I feeling right now? And then you reframe it. To where okay, the customer called, they they were having difficulty, but it didn't have anything to do with me. And that's reframing,

Rod Richard: Mm.

Crystal Rowland: realizing that none of that was really in con in your control. And therefore you have more clarity, so therefore you can re enter into the next interaction, regardless of what that interaction is, just with more clarity and it just softens you up a little bit as well because you're not carrying it over.

Rod Richard: Yeah, that's that's good. You you mentioned you mentioned meditation earlier. are there is that one of the like the the I guess the practical tools that you will use? Like I I know you mentioned the wisdom pause as well. like well,

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: let me let me back up. I I wanna a I want you to answer that question in a second, but I guess because I think a lot of us are just kind of in our life and just living, right? Just kinda doing whatever happens and this is kinda just this is a job or this is just the kind of way

Crystal Rowland: Life be life in.

Rod Richard: yeah, just kinda way it is. what i what is what is a way to be I guess to kind of allow ourselves to be more self reflective and realise like you said that that emotion that we're carrying may not actually be ours. Like we may not actually feel that way or, you know, it may be coming from some other thing and and and realize that or be aware of that so that we have the ability to take the wisdom pause or to, you know, meditate for a second or do whatever we need to do to connect back to our our actual emotion or to let go of that emotion. Is it is there something I know you mentioned meditation, I I think that's a that's one of those. is there anything else or

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: or something that you suggest?

Crystal Rowland: I started looking into stoicism and Buddhism because they kind of go hand in hand. Stoicism teaches you to realize what is within your control, what can you govern, because stoicism and Buddhism mostly focus on detachment, and that's the key word detachment. We have to learn how to detach from things.

Rod Richard: Mm.

Crystal Rowland: And therefore, with stoicism, it teach you, okay, what am I in control to help you let it go? Because unfortunately, adults, we try to control everything. and we we have to realize that we we can't. And therefore when we realize that we're not in control of everything, then we start asking ourselves, okay, what am I in control of? And a thousand percent you are in control of your own actions, your own mind, your own body. You are in control of that. So, what can I do to bring peace within myself? So I studied stoicism that helped me detach, and then I incorporated Buddhism because Buddhism also asks you what am I clinging on to, and how am I contributing?

Rod Richard: Mm. And how am I

Crystal Rowland: To the situation. So those are the questions that you ask yourself to help you detach from emotions, from situations that weigh you down throughout the day. So it's really up to you. You have all the power within. And it's not easy. It is not easy to stop yourself for a few seconds because we're always on the go. We're always thinking. We have several throats. thoughts throughout the day and we have to just learn how to slow those thoughts down and just take time for ourselves to really just have that inner peace throughout the day to help us you know just deal with people better.

Rod Richard: Okay. So so I mean, what does that look like though in in in real life? So I I guess let's say in between calls, like you you get a call, high pressure call, things go crazy, you you survive it,

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: you get out of the call, and then before you take the next call, what are we doing? And and I guess in if i for those of us not in a call center environment, let's say we had a terrible day at work, everything was crazy, we get in the car, we're heading home, we pull into the driveway, what do we do now?

Crystal Rowland: Mm. And just to piggyback off of what you last asked about, you know, what meditation looked like, all of it really goes hand in hand with the stoicism and the Buddhism. Buddhism teach mindfulness, and that is meditation. It teaches you how to stop. Just stop and breathe and really collect your thoughts because we have thoughts running crazy throughout our minds. We have no we We tell ourselves. We or we indirectly tell ourselves we don't have control over those thoughts. And it's really hard to control your thoughts because you've been doing this for so many years. And so with these combinations with stoicism and Buddhism, you you know, you have to research it, of course. You know, take the first steps.

Rod Richard: Mm-hmm.

Crystal Rowland: Like, hey, how do I detach from emotions? Like, what do I do in the moment? Of course, I you know, go to a therapist. But I don't see my therapist until two days from now or when I get off from work. And therefore

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: what I've discovered is when I have those moments where I need something right then and there, I'll just listen to a quick guided meditation less than two minutes. I'll you have to you have to put aside the time. A lot of us put aside the time to maybe, you know, stroll through social media or just do things to occupy the thoughts we already have going on, but we have to do the total opposite and just take that moment and just be still and listen to a meditation to bring you back to yourself, to bring you back into your thoughts.

Rod Richard: Okay. Okay. Yeah, 'cause I I think I think a lot

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: of times and I s kinda said this earlier, is I think a lot of us get accustomed to the stress, right? Like we we know we work in these high pressure situations, we know that this is just a part of the job. like I was talking to an officer on a previous podcast and he's just talking about how high pressure and how intense the work is. And then when you you know, when you you take your your badge off for the day, you still have that tension. You still have that adrenaline kind of rolling through you. and it and

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: sometimes it it it takes the wrong form with your family, right? Like you you walk into the house and everybody's a suspect. you know, or everybody's y 'cause it 'Cause i his his thing was like you know, right?

Crystal Rowland: Who did it?

Rod Richard: He was like you know, you work you work in the on the police force, he was like, You learn to question everything and you don't believe anyone. And he was like, So, you know, when you go home, everything sounds like a suspect is lying to you or like you it's hard to disconnect that feeling because that's how you survive in the field. So when you come home you still wear that with you and he had to learn how to like let that go and allow you know, allow his family to just be his family. And I think a

Crystal Rowland: Yeah.

Rod Richard: lot of times that happens because like you said, we have that c that carryover. Whereas, you know, work was was terrible and now, you know, the kids are crying or, you know, my wife wants me to do X, Y, and Z and and you know, I just I I can't do that right now because I'm I'm hyped up. I do I do

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And and that's where several and that's where several forms come in at, you know, you have to decide within yourself, what can I do with that small window? I have a small

Rod Richard: Mm-hmm.

Crystal Rowland: window, so what can I do between work and home? And then from home to work. It's it's a carryover throughout the day. So what do I do in that small window? And I just think someone like that is perfect. Just listen to a short guided reset driving, you know, home. you know, it it takes more than just one or two things to really bring peace and clarity within ourselves.

Rod Richard: Yeah, yeah. Well so so like where where should a guy start? I I know you mentioned just a kind of a guided reset. Is that is that the best starting place where we're just kind of on the way home or in in our space, maybe listening to s or

Crystal Rowland: It

Rod Richard: letting somebody else guide us before we try to do it ourselves?

Crystal Rowland: Yes, yes, because when someone else try to guide you, it gives you more perspective. It gives you like a stepping stone because a lot of us didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do, because I was carrying over emotions. I grew up in a black Christian home where we give all our issues to God, all our problems to God, pray about it, and of course God is I believe God is our ultimate provider. And the thing is I know God don't need help, giving me help. But at the same time, I do have to think, okay, I wouldn't mind helping him. God created therapy, God created like the idea of these things to bring just goodness within ourselves because the thing is we are not meant to walk around feeling heavy and empty and And sad and all these bad emotions. We are meant to evolve. We are meant to grow. And we are meant to be our better selves. And it really just depends on the person, what they like, what are they into? What brings joy and fulfillment into your life? And me personally, that's what I actually had to ask myself. Crystal, what is it that you like? What haven't you done yet? because we actually turn to bad habits sometimes to cope. with the stress and we have to find a different way to just bring that peace and that yummy goodness into our lives so therefore we are walking around without carrying these heavy emotions.

Rod Richard: Yeah. You know what, I I I guess I got a kind of a two part question after hearing you say that. So I know we we talked about like after the call or after the stressful situation, some some practical tools that we can use. What about during? Like we're in the middle of it. Like we're you know what I mean? Like we're right in the middle of the call. We're trying to manage our emotions, but you know, you got the emotions that are they're kinda being put on you. the situation's

Crystal Rowland: Yes.

Rod Richard: high pressure, like Do we just ride that out and then we repair after or is there things that we can do in the middle of it? 'Cause I think I think if we if we have an understanding of how we can manage ourselves during that, then maybe we don't we don't feel it so heavily afterwards.

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm. I really like that you asked me that because this is the power of the pause. You have to, when we're in the moment, we feel like we have to respond, we have to react. But we can once again, you have control over your time over you. For instance, if a customer is on the line being difficult, you can place them on hold and just have that, just take that deep breath. Because it's only ninety seconds. prime example, I created ninety second guided resets to help you within the moment, to help you regulate, reframe, and re-enter. And therefore, you just have to take that time to yourself. Okay, let me just place you on hold for a moment. And most call centers from my understanding you can place the customer on hold for maybe four minutes or less. That is plenty of time for you to just take a deep breath and collect your thoughts and ask yourself, How are you feeling? What is going on? What do the customer need from me? How can what am I contributing to the situation? So that's so that's where stoicism and Buddhism come in at. What am I in control of? Okay, then what am I clinging on to? How am I contributing to? to the experience. And then you just go back in with more clarity and empathy. And therefore, I I promise you, when pe people just want to be heard and understood.

Rod Richard: Mm-hmm.

Crystal Rowland: And when you show that it softens the situation. And it softens you as well.

Rod Richard: So so what you just said is like you said regulate, reframe, and re enter. That's what you you just kinda

Crystal Rowland: Re-enter. Mm-hmm

Rod Richard: a outlined for us, like we're taking a breath, asking those questions that I'm assuming is the reframe and then you go back in with the with the clarity. Okay. Uh-huh. Okay.

Crystal Rowland: Mm, mm, mm.

Rod Richard: So that so that's in the moment we do that. Afterwards we can res Okay. Afterwards we reset. No,

Crystal Rowland: in the moment. Mm-hmm. We have to teach a I'm sorry.

Rod Richard: no, no, no, it's okay. go ahead.

Crystal Rowland: no, I was just saying we just have to teach ourselves to just take that time to take that moment. We and and that is what I was dealing with. We always have to respond, respond in a moment. We have to, but we really don't.

Rod Richard: Mm-hmm. Okay. Alright, so we we w that's fellas, that's how we handle it. And when we're in the in the storm. Outside of the storm we reset. Now, let's say we we don't do either one of those, right? We we we we get caught up in our emotions, we get caught up in the moment, and we snap. Right, or we and I'm talking more at home, right? We typically don't snap o at work. We find ways to to

Crystal Rowland: I understand.

Rod Richard: not to not do it, right? Like I don't know how I don't know why we have so much more control when we're at work than we do at home, but you know, we snapped on our wife. Yeah. Right? We s

Crystal Rowland: Your money

Rod Richard: we snap on our wife or we snap on our kids and now what do we do? How do we how do we repair that or what steps should we be taking to try to, you know, f maybe get back to the the emotional state we

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: want to be in.

Crystal Rowland: that that is a good question. Remove yourself from the situation. because you said that you snapped on everyone. Therefore, it's like you realize that you did snap. So, okay, I'm aware I snapped. I need to remove myself from the situation, kinda need to give myself a little bit more time to see where did that come from? How did it get to this point? And you really can't think when you in the moment like that, when you come home And you snap on the people who you love and you haven't seen them all that all day. So you really have to that is the time when take that moment. We have to teach ourselves that we have to take that moment. It's 24 hours in the day. We have to devote some of that time to ourselves to make better situations. Therefore, you know, come back in always apologize. And Just once again regulate, reframe, and re-enter. But after you snapped in everything, that lets me know you already know you things have gone wrong. So just remove yourself from the situation and give your time to regulate, reframe, and re-enter. You can listen to a meditation. You can ask yourself questions, cook because think about it, we're in our heads all day long, asking ourselves questions, replaying situations that already happened. This is the time where you ask yourself those million dollar questions. This is the time for you. It's just you yourself and you. Who who else is it? and so just to make the situation better, please, please take the it only take well however long it takes, it really don't take long, really just depending on the person. It could take less

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: than two minutes.

Rod Richard: Yeah, I I really want want guys to hear that because I I think a lot of times when we hear the possible solutions to a to an already existing problem, we we don't think we have time to do it. You know what I mean? Like I'm in the middle of a situation, I don't have time to be doing a reset, I don't have time to be breathing. You know what I mean? I'm I'm in the middle of

Crystal Rowland: you got time?

Rod Richard: it, right? And and so I I I think it's really important. Yeah, I think it's really important

Crystal Rowland: You got time for the bull.

Rod Richard: that we hear and understand that Like taking the time in reality is what saves you the time later on. Like if you can take the time to address it, address the way you're feeling, address the situation in the correct way,

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: I think it saves you a lot of time and a lot of hurt feelings and a lot of you know, emotional

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: stress that can be caused, a lot of damage to your relationships, at

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: home. Because I think that is that's that's where I think the biggest takeaway for Obviously we wanna be better in the workplace, right? Like we obviously wanna be better.

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: We wanna have a better environment, better company culture, be a better employee because it it it you know, obviously we're we're going to work to make money to provide for the family. and

Crystal Rowland: Yes.

Rod Richard: so the better we do that, the more potential to make more money we have and so obviously we see why it makes sense there. I think a lot of times we we almost take our families for granted, and like, hey there that's my wife, those are my kids. They're gonna always be my wife and always no, maybe not always my wife, but I think we

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: I think we realize that one is is not as as concrete. But they're gonna always be my kids and I'm always be their dad and they just you know, they just gotta

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: deal with it, right? Like I I'm I'm dad, their kids and that's just the role.

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm. And and everyone looks up to you. Everyone looks up to you. And you a lot of men from my experience really just think about others and don't think about themselves at all. And they they have to refrain from that. Everybody will be better taken care of if you take good care of yourself as well. And that's probably why you snap and because you take care of everyone and you're not taking care of yourself and and this is just a a people thing as well. sometimes we look for others to take care of things to take care of, you know, emotions maybe a rub or something will, you know, make me feel better. But you have to take care of you first. You

Rod Richard: Mm-hmm.

Crystal Rowland: have to. It it's your body, your mind, your emotions. This is all you. And therefore I really think the first step to anything and especially for improvement within yourself is just figure out what it is that I like, what or what it what is it that is fueling me, what is draining me. you really

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: have to differentiate some things and just move some things aside because it's like everything is together and it's like scramble eggs is just everything together and you really have to take time to separate these feelings. See what's your feelings. See what's not your feelings. And what's not your feelings, let it go. It sounds easy, but I promise you it's one of the hardest things you could ever do for yourself. But you're worth it. You have to fight for yourself. You have to work for yourself. Because how you expect others to do that if you can't do it for yourself? And how is it supposed to be right if you don't do it yourself?

Rod Richard: Yeah, that's that's really important. And I think I think we all feel as as fathers we feel that responsibility, maybe we don't look at it that way, right? It's like we're doing everything to take care of everybody. and sometimes we we we do that sacrificially, right? Like and and and we wear it as a badge of honor, like we know, I'm doing this all for y'all and and we don't realize that in doing that we are ours like you said, it's a sacrifice, right? Like we're not taking care of ourselves so that we can take care

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: of everybody else. But the reality is is is if we take care of ourselves, we give everybody a better version of us. and

Crystal Rowland: Absolutely.

Rod Richard: Yeah, and we get to lead by example, as you said. I think that's one of the most important things 'cause I think we all realize we're leading by example. even even

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: even for those of us that don't have the words for it, right? Because I know a lot a lot of times fathers aren't as as vocal in in their leadership. Sometimes we

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: just do and we expect people to see it, and acknowledge it and appreciate it. But that being the

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: case, then you should also be doing the work to to give yourself the space to show up the way that you actually want to show up. to to

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm. Yes.

Rod Richard: be able to disassociate or or to separate yourself from from, you know, home and work. to manage stress better. I think those are all great things to teach your children. to teach your family is

Crystal Rowland: Yes, yes.

Rod Richard: is how we handle things 'cause 'cause the reality is is that they're going to face stress. They're probably facing stress right now. It's different, right? But they got the stress of school,

Crystal Rowland: Yes.

Rod Richard: homework, tests, sports a and if they're looking at us and and all we're doing is is snapping or we're always mad, then that's how they learn how to handle things. and they pass that down.

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And and remember, like throughout the years, w what we've been told it starts from home.

Rod Richard: Mm-hmm.

Crystal Rowland: That's that's how a lot of kids learn a lot of things. They it starts from home. It starts from the parents. And so that is a beautiful idea you just said. I I'm not gonna lie to you. I was thinking about this the other day, coming into like thinking about the podcast and everything, and about fatherhood and I'm like, my goodness. wouldn't it be great if we start teaching these kids how to just take that moment, how to regulate, reframe, and re-enter. What if we start them early? They already learn a lot of habits from home anyway, and they carry that into their adulthood. It's a lot of things you you and I have learned, you know, during childhood that we still carry on to this day. So why not? you know, teach mindfulness, teach detachment at such an early age to help these kids moving forward because it's a lot that they will have to face. growing up, it's a lot they're facing now, but you already know when when you get older, the world don't you know, the world doesn't I'm not I'm not bashing the world or anything, but it doesn't care. So you

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: have to care about yourself first. you know, stepping into the world. You have to care about yourself. You have to know yourself. To help you, you know, just we ain't got the bull.

Rod Richard: Yeah, yeah. You know, I I I this might be a a tougher question to a and this is probably 'cause it's such a big question. prior to to having this conversation or prior to hearing this conversation, guys have been bringing the stress home, you know, spasm out on the family, being emotionally unavailable. Like we're present but we're not because we're dealing with whatever happened at work. We're still frustrated about it.

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: And that's been going on for however long, right? And so it's caused some kind of damage or or stress in the family. How do we repair that? Like what is it c 'cause I know now we talk about stuff that we can do for ourselves to like mitigate that and kind of lessen that, but the damage is already done. What do you think it is that maybe we can do to help with that part of it?

Crystal Rowland: What can you control? Just continue to work on yourself because things are not going to change overnight. Just like you say, the damage already done. So the damage has been happening over time. And repair will happen over time. And so therefore, continue working on yourself because when you continue working on yourself, regulating, reframing, and re enter, it pours out and people see it. Just like the snapping

Rod Richard: Mm.

Crystal Rowland: and the quote unquote bad behavior when it's all just kind of not kind of it's all misplaced. it's all misunderstanding. So that grows. Good things can grow as well. So don't let for instance if you just started doing this or even if you haven't started with the mindfulness or what have you remove yourself. Just remove and and it's not like you have to hop in your car and drive across town You could just walk around in the backyard or, you know, walk up or down the street or something. You have to have that time to yourself because when you start taking care of yourself, it spills out and they start taking care of others because they see it. They feel it. And that's the thing. People have to see it and feel it in order for some type of change to happen.

Rod Richard: Okay. Yeah, 'cause I I just kind of a a personal story and this this was kind of

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: what birthed the f the forfeit fatherhood thing and and you know, I I kind of already had already at this point. Fatherhood I discovered was my purpose when I first had my first daughter, but then I got into work and I was building a business and building, you know, all these things and my ambitions were huge and so there's a period of time where I felt like I was working these long hours and it made me a good provider. But while I was doing that, my wife felt like she was raised our kids by herself. And my daughters weren't getting the best of me because I was coming home with the stress of building a business. And you know that ain't that's not easy. and eventually yeah,

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: eventually I had to realize and recognize that, you know, providing financially didn't excuse my absence. and and that what I thought was proof of love, like to me, like I'm providing you guys can do this and do that. And if we don't worry about money and you have everything you want was proof of love to me, but they were experiencing it as disconnection. Like I just wasn't there. Like sure they got to do all this stuff, but I didn't get to do it with you know? or I just wasn't there.

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: And so I realized that my ambitions and my work habits were actually hurting my family and and that's when I decided to pivot. I d

Crystal Rowland: Mm, mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: I don't know that you know, and I think for me it was easier because I I had initially had fatherhood as my purpose, like my purpose in life. And I got I got got I I got lost. I fell off my I lost my path. But because it was it was like the kind of we are we have Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: Just like we always do. We all do that.

Rod Richard: Yeah, but it was like my lighthouse, right? And so I was able to see that light and come back to it. For guys who maybe aren't there and don't have that, I I think it's a little bit harder to like realize

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: that What you think is showing love is not showing love. What you think is is, you know, I'm providing for you guys and everybody should be appreciative and just deal with me the way I am, is maybe not the best way to handle it. And I think it's hard sometimes, right? And again, if you aren't if you aren't

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: thinking about yourself, then it gets even harder. and 'cause a lot of a lot of par parents in general will will be like, you know, I can't have time to think about myself. I gotta take care of these kids. or yeah, I gotta I gotta do X, Y, and Z. And and it's not about me. about them. Like we we we wear that again as a badge of honor. Like when you become a parent it's like it's all about the kids. whatever

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm. But it's not making us happy. It's only weighing us down. It's tearing us up. And we just

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: have to refrain from that thinking. And it's a lot of taught behavior too. I have a a lot of men in my family, and they're taught to just be providers. So it's not,

Rod Richard: Mm-hmm.

Crystal Rowland: it's not anyone's fault. It's all what we were taught. earlier

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: and you know, unfortunately, and I'm just only speaking from my experience, but unfortunately with men, they're taught to just be providers. But what you really have to think about is your emotions is tied to your money too. Like like like think about it.

Rod Richard: G can can you go into that a little bit? 'Cause I think they need to hear it.

Crystal Rowland: Your emotions is tied to your money. So for instance, if somebody steal your money, you don't have enough money, what are you gonna be happy about it? It messes with your emotions and so just think about what it does. money is a good thing, being a provider is a beautiful thing. Definitely keep that up, but you do have to look at the emotional side. Emotions is everywhere, it's tied to everything because everything we unfortunately we let almost a lot of things affect our thinking and our feelings. And money is on top of the list. I I hear it all the time. What are we complaining about now? The price of food, the price of

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: gas, the price of everything, and what does it do to our emotions? So our money is tied to our emotions, therefore, we have to see that it extends to our family as well. And you're not there with your family for no reason whatsoever. They want you.

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: They you know the money is fine, it it keeps the lights on, it keeps a roof over our head, the things that we need in order to survive, but they want you and want you whole because at the end of at the end of the day you want your family whole too.

Rod Richard: Mm-hmm.

Crystal Rowland: So you have to be whole and you have to take care of yourself. I know it sounds like the most selfish thing in the world, and it really is, but it's for the good. For you and everyone else, you have to be selfish with some of your time. Once again, it's twenty-four hours in the day. You can sit aside some time for yourself to just be a better person. you you was talking about being a bet a a good employee at work,

Rod Richard: A a good employee at

Crystal Rowland: being good here, there, but I did not hear

Rod Richard: But I did not

Crystal Rowland: being a good person for myself. Being a good person,

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: period. You know, being a good person comes before everything else, comes before being a father, being a husband, being an employee or being, you know, a manager. Being human comes first and you have to, you know, just realize what is it that drains me and what fuels me so I can just be a better person for me, and I promise you it will spill out to everyone else. It has no choice. 'Cause bad behavior spills out and it affects

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: people. So look at it the other side, you know, the other

Rod Richard: You're right.

Crystal Rowland: way.

Rod Richard: You're right. You're right. Okay. we we we've kind of talked about this already, but I think just to one more time hammer it home because because guys, we're hard headed, right? We get stuck in our ways and we just do stuff, right? And

Crystal Rowland: We all are.

Rod Richard: I what is what is I guess w one sign that someone n needs to pause and reset?

Crystal Rowland: Me, it's about body language. Right now I'm a graduate student at Liberty University for clinical mental health counseling and one of the things that they teach us is pay attention to people. it's very telling body language, the tone in their voice, everything is very telling. we we tell on ourselves and we don't even know it in in certain situations. And therefore when it just feels and once again also, Rod, we have to listen to our gut. We have to, because a lot of times before we spazz out, that the gut probably is warning you like, no, this is not the time, or maybe you thinking wrong, or whatever the case may be, because think about it, before you spazzed out, you already had a conversation or two in your head. so you really just have to Take that time out, like, wait a minute, what's you know, going on? so once again it's just all about, you know, that time for yourself and just ask yourself the tough questions. You hardhead and not you, but I'm just saying, people in general are hardhead because we come back and we second guess. Like for instance, let's say a friend tell you, Look, you don't need to be doing that. Whatever the case may be, you know, like, okay, there's a cookie in a cookie jar, I'm hungry. Or whatever. and a friend may tell you, Well, no, we're about to eat. Don't take don't take a cookie out of that cookie jar. And you're like, Well, we're about to eat in 30 minutes. I'm hungry, I'm gonna take this cookie out. And it's like, We told you not to. And then later

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: on, your stomach is hurting. you know, so really just go with we're just warned, to be honest with you. Now that I think about it, we are getting we we are given warnings throughout the day. and we really just have to listen to that instead of coming back with saying, no, no, somebody said this or they did that. It's like no, you really just have to listen to that gut when that gut is telling you like, I don't know about this, you know. and us really just second guessing things. We really do it to ourselves. We really do. And we just have to

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: learn how to, you know, just practice being better, being better to ourselves. by having better thought.

Rod Richard: Yeah, and this is this is I I ask for the podcast, but I'm also asking for myself. Is it something that I'm working on as well because I am I have a it's a a good thing and a bad thing, right? I have an ability like in the in the in the midst of something going on to like process it and move forward, right? And and maybe process it, right? 'Cause it's not really being processed 'cause I'm still holding on to it and I'm taking that with me, right? But in the moment I don't allow myself to to feel it fully. And so when I asked like what is it, you know, that you can what's one sign, I'm like, 'Cause I'll something'll happen and I'll be like, whatever. Let me keep going and doing what I'm doing. But that was probably the sign.

Crystal Rowland: Being passive.

Rod Richard: Yeah, like that was the sign and I was just, you know, I yeah, whatever. And I kept moving.

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: and so I'm I'm trying to figure out for myself how I can be more aware in tune with those things and

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: how they're actually affecting me, right? Even if I can get past it and continue doing the job the way I was doing it. there's still a disruption there that I need to

Crystal Rowland: Yes.

Rod Richard: be aware of. and and the way I was thinking about it l just last night actually was like it's like a speed bump. Right? Like it doesn't st it's not a stop sign, right? It's not a stop sign. It doesn't stop me completely. If it was a stop sign, then I would be really aware. But it's a speed bump. So I

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: just had to slow down, but once I got over it I could pick up speed again. And I think I

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: have to be more aware of the speed bumps that I run into throughout the day or throughout my life and and and And addressing the fact that, hey, maybe we put up a sign that this was a speed bump. You know, we gotta slow down right here. so that I know to address those things a little bit more or that I need to be aware of how they're affecting me in the moment. And and that's that's then

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: that's why I well, you know, obviously like I said, I ask because of the podcast, but I I'm a father, I'm I'm a man and I'll deal with it too. And so I'm trying to can figure out how to make myself better for the people that are outside this room.

Crystal Rowland: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. it's it's hard, buddy. It's hard. It is it's hard, but you have to do it. Who else is going to do it? We unfortunately we some of us have people who hold us accountable in our lives and some people, you know, and and some of us don't. But we have to hold ourselves accountable and really just dedicate and devote like okay, I'm going to this is my goal for today. And also journal too, but this is my goal for today. I'm going to because you never know what the day may bring us. God has blessed us with another beautiful day when we open our eyes every morning. So it's like okay. What would be my goal today? All right. I'm going to pay attention to certain body languages and situations because we don't have situations every single day. But you do want to just have that goal for yourself. So when that situation do pop up, you will just move a little differently. So it's it's up to you. You have to you have to discipline yourself, have that self discipline to just Sit aside some time. This is I deserve it. I deserve this moment to improve myself, to grow as a person. I'm tired of the things this when it's the same behavior and it's not being addressed, all it is is being sweeped under the rug swept under the rug. Just like you said, it's a speed bump. The speed bump is there, but we do have the ability to, you know, remove it. Because that speed bump probably not even ours. We just put it there. You know, I mean, so we really just have to take that time to just ask ourselves those million dollar tough questions. And this is the time for you to not lie to yourself because we be lying to ourselves all the time. We be

Rod Richard: Mm.

Crystal Rowland: that's human, that's human nature. We be telling some lies up and there in our minds about it, but it's like reframe it. It's me, myself. If I'm in an argument. With not I'm not going to say if I'm in an argument with someone, but if someone says something that don't really sit well with me, instead of me coming back like it's like okay, let me just take this time. What did they say again? How did they mean that? Because you can also ask follow-up questions. It's all about clarity. It's all

Rod Richard: Mm.

Crystal Rowland: about clarity. So it's like, okay, if if if I'm in this situation and I'm working on myself. And someone says something to me, I'm not just gonna say, okay, whatever. No, this is a brand new day. I'm going to think about this. I need to have clarity. Keyword clarity. They said that for a reason. I took it this way or that way. We're not really aligning with each other. So I need to ask a question. Like, could you please elaborate on that a little bit more for understanding? Because some people will expect for you to just come back at them. probably even harder or whatever the case may be. Once again human nature. But this is a time where you choose a different route. If you don't understand, fine, because at the end of the day we all want understanding. We want to be understood. So whoever said that to you, they want to be understood, right? Okay, well I don't

Rod Richard: Okay, well.

Crystal Rowland: understand you. So could you please elaborate on that a little bit more?

Rod Richard: Man, you know, it's it's not No, yeah, I

Crystal Rowland: Like what's wrong with that? D do you agree with that? What are your thoughts about that?

Rod Richard: know. Listen, I'm I'm listening to you talk and and just my my last week has been exactly this. Right? And I'm like, Man, God works man, he be he be working, boy. 'cause this is the this

Crystal Rowland: he be on it.

Rod Richard: is these are the things that I'm literally in this very moment, like, trying to work on. Which is why I can make like the personal connection or I can I can bring it up in that way because I'm I'm in it right now and trying to get better at like like I say, I call them speed bumps, but i if you leave a speed bump there long enough it gets bigger and bigger, right? And it becomes a wall. and by not asking the follow up question, right, or not getting clarity or not having understanding and just having my own leaning on my own understanding of she they said that because they felt this way, right? Now I'm putting emotions on other people or I'm I'm assuming I'm a

Crystal Rowland: Exactly. Assumption.

Rod Richard: Yeah, I'm assuming that it's a hostile situation when it may not have been. It may it may be maybe didn't mean it that way and I was just triggered by it because I'm already dealing with some emotional carry over. And and you know what I mean? Like all the things that we've talked about in this episode, I'm like, man, this is I don't know about everybody else, but this episode is for me. Like you know, you know, you go into church,

Crystal Rowland: Adding on to it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: they talk you going to church and feel like the pastor talking directly to you. Like, man I am right, I'm I'm con I'm convicted right now. Like I man.

Crystal Rowland: yes, you feel out them gunshots, pow, pow, pow. Yeah. But

Rod Richard: But

Crystal Rowland: it's it's a beautiful and terrifying thing at the same time. self-mastery, self-improvement is beautiful and ugly because it's extremely hard. It is n nothing worth having is easy. And we and I've noticed and please please elaborate on this, but I noticed as adults that we're just always on the go. And we just really really need to think about ourselves in a good way in order to in order for other in order for others to look at us in a good way. And of course we can be the best person ever. We can be very mindful. We can be present. It still will be people who will look at us in a certain way. But at the same time I've been working on myself. It's been days where I got sick of myself. It's a lot of hard work and it's a lot of energy and that's why some people stray away from it because we look for convenience. We look for easy as adults because everything is so hard. And it's like, okay, I got something else hard to do now. Like, come on, I

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: need something else easy. But that is when you have to sit down somewhere in a corner somewhere, going nature, whatever the case may be, and like, hey, okay, I I need something else. I need something different because my mindset is is not working. So what so I I really th this is a time where you really have to study yourself what's working for me, what's not working for me. am I walking around assuming everything because of that first emotion or that first interaction? Assumption would tear us up. It tears us up all day and everything. And that's when when we realize we're assuming something, when we don't have all the facts, that is where we just Take that time and like, you know what, I'm assuming assumption is bringing even more heaviness and emotional carryover to our lives and we really don't have to. Like I assumed something that really didn't have anything to do with me. So let me just let that go. I made it into a speed bump, but now it's just withering away now, because it wasn't mine from the beginning. So just start with those questions

Rod Richard: Yeah, yeah.

Crystal Rowland: and you have come on, Rod, gotta ask yourself. Got it, brother.

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: I can I can feel it like I see it all over you. You have to just take that time and ask yourself qu and you're not going to like the answers. I'm letting you know that right now, meditation, all this stuff that I'm talking about, it's a lifelong journey. This will not

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: happen overnight. you will not get it right the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth time. I've been doing this for years. I've started stoicism and buddhism meditation. I started that back in maybe two thousand twenty two. And so and the reason why it took so long too because I had to take a break sometimes. It's a lot of energy when you just pour into yourself trying to figure things out within yourself. And

Rod Richard: Mm-hmm.

Crystal Rowland: and and and it's hard and it can be discouraging sometimes but be proud of yourself. Be proud of yourself that I'm actually disciplined. I'm fighting for myself. Always fight for yourself. And it it won't be easy and it won't be pretty, but at least you will be proud of yourself knowing that you put in the hard work for yourself.

Rod Richard: Yeah. Yeah, I'm glad you said that.

Crystal Rowland: You deserve it.

Rod Richard: Yeah. 'Cause I you know, I I had meditation as a as a not I won't say daily, but it was a part of or part of my routine. or

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: some some form of it, right? Whether it would be journaling, whether it be true meditation, breath work, it was something I was doing every day. But I definitely have fallen off of that. have not I would say it's probably been like at least the last six months since I like really

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: did on any consistent basis. Like from time to time, yeah, you know, you you count to ten, take some deep breath, do some square breathing, stuff like that. Like I've done it when it was emergency needed, but I haven't done it as like

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: a consistent practice and hearing you say that I'm like, yeah, I definitely need to get back to that 'cause that that that

Crystal Rowland: Yeah.

Rod Richard: that allowed me to create space. or that's okay. Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: And it's okay. It's okay to, you know, fall off, just take a take a break, but just realize like, it when I was d so when you were doing those things things, how did it make you feel?

Rod Richard: Yeah. It I mean I like I said, i i

Crystal Rowland: No, I'm asking you.

Rod Richard: yeah, no, I I I realized that when you continued to pause. I I realized that like I said, it gave me space. It g it allowed me to respond instead of react. It allowed me to show up differently. I was able to process thoughts better. which you know what's funny about it though, is like when you when you do it and you get better And this is I think is an issue for all of us. And you mentioned that it's it's something that's reoccurring. You have to continue to do it. But I think we like, all right, I got it. I'm good now. And so you just run with with your progress, not realizing that that progress has to continue to be upheld, right? You to continue to do the thing that got you that. And then, you know, I'm like, I'm good. All right. And I'm just now now instead of continuing my meditation practice, I'm just adding more stuff into the time that I was taking to do it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I got I th that

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: I'm good now. I can I can put that ten minutes into something else. Let me let me do this now. and and what I'm realizing is is that is not the idea. You know, maybe maybe it's not

Crystal Rowland: Ha

Rod Richard: as maybe it's not as intense or as i as long or, you know, but it still has to be there. Right? It still has to s you're still supporting something and so it has to be there, right? I can't I can't just completely throw it all away. and realizing that now and having this conversation with you is like, all right, I gotta get back on my Okay, back on my meditation, man. I gotta get back to doing the things that build me up so I can continue to show up the way I want to.

Crystal Rowland: Absol my goodness, absolutely. That that definitely hit me. Build yourself up. Once again, who else? unfortunately the world we live in now people expecting others to build them up. You know, validation. but it does absolute you still you still go to bed and wake up feeling the same way.

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: Because you really didn't put in the real work or the the practice, you know. And once again, it's it's okay to fall off. what I do is I I'm not gonna lie, I criticize myself a lot. I kick myself in the butt like Crystal, you know better, da da da. And then I just kind of soften a blow, like, okay, you know, this this is not anything that happened overnight. You've been doing this for years, you know. You have to be kind of yourself because we we're so mean to ourselves sometimes. And in

Rod Richard: Mm-hmm.

Crystal Rowland: order for us to grow and be better, we do have to finesse ourselves as well. And I'm not talking about finessing the ego either, but that's for another conversation. But we we we have to be kind to ourselves. We have to. We have to find that balance. Be hard on yourself, but also be good to yourself as well.

Rod Richard: Yeah, yeah, I think that's important to find that balance of of being being critical in yourself in a way that's productive, and then giving yourself

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: grace in a way that allows you to make mistakes.

Crystal Rowland: Absolutely, because why be perfect? That's too much pressure. I'm

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: not striving to be perfect, I don't want to be anywhere near it. that's that that's too much pressure, and I want to remove pressure from my life. So yeah, I'm just going to do what I'm in control of. And if I'm not in control of it, just let it go. And a lot and to be honest with you, the more and more you work on yourself, I've I've experienced the more people you really don't talk to or people don't really interact with you because you see things a whole lot clearer. I'm not gonna lie to

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: you, it's just like putting clear eyes in your eye.

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: And a lot of people, and you have to understand a lot of people are really not there yet. So you are going to lose certain people in your life because they really don't understand the journey that you on because it's different phases in our lives where we will where it would click or we will I'm not gonna say wake up but it would click like okay something is not right and I need to figure out what is it and I need to look within. When we figure something is not right, we look outside, we have to look within. Because that is what we're most

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: in control of is look within. So when you realize something is wrong, look within. And you know, criticize yourself. Be but be also be good to yourself as well. Because a lot of these things we do, once again, it was taught, and it's so hard to kind of retrain yourself. It's hard, but it's doable. It's very much doable, but you have to have that obedience, you have to have that discipline. And a lot of it it's it's just hard to break certain habits, but I promise you, you deserve it. You deserve to grow. You d you deserve like e everything that you are are meant to have. And so just having a stressful life, having a stressful life is not a life meant to have. It's not.

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: And we just have to and and I'm not saying that we will get rid of stress, we will eliminate it completely, but it won't weigh us down as much as it used to. We you would kind of get that I don't care attitude. In a good way though. But some people may not look at it that way, but it's like I don't care because it's not within my control,

Rod Richard: people may not look at it that way but it's like I don't care because it's not

Crystal Rowland: so why should I care? Why should I try to work on something

Rod Richard: Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: that I can't change or I can't control? That that adds to stress. That adds to burner. I can't control it. I can't control it. And it stressed you out. But it wasn't meant for you to control from the get-go. So therefore you can remove that stress.

Rod Richard: Right. Yeah. Yeah. man, hey, Chris, can you do me a favor? just most

Crystal Rowland: Sure.

Rod Richard: guys that listen to the podcast listen to it, you know, working out on the drive home. I don't think very just from from polls,

Crystal Rowland: Mm.

Rod Richard: right? From from talking to guys that listen to where they're driving or maybe they're yeah at the gym or whatever. and and so, you know, driving home from work, he he's sitting in his driveway right now, he's tired, he's frustrated, carrying the weight of the day. and his family's inside waiting for him. What should he do before he opens the door?

Crystal Rowland: Take that time to him himself and ask ask yourself, okay. A knowledge well basically be aware of your feelings. How am I feeling right now? Identify it and then ask where did it come from? Okay. And that should wherever it came from, that you you should know what to do with it then. that came from the meeting I had with my my boss or the meeting I had or I had to fire someone today. And then you have to think about it too. Before that happened, you probably was stressed out about something else. So sometimes you can address a lot of things because it all just kind of we bunch it together. So just take if I were you, I would set a timer. I've had to do that one time. Just set a time on my phone, two minutes, three minutes, whatever your heart leads you to. Set a timer for two minutes to yourself. No social media, no listening to music or nothing. That time to yourself to be aware of what you got going on. So reframe, re regulate, reframe, and reenter. You know, just take that deep breath. Therefore, it's taking your mind off of what all is going on. You have to bring your mind back to yourself, back to your body and your thoughts, that awareness.

Rod Richard: Mm-hmm.

Crystal Rowland: And once you do that, then like, okay, well that meeting that that wasn't bad. Like I'll just handle that tomorrow. It really wasn't bad. And then you just replace that with, you know, have good thoughts, have

Rod Richard: that with you know how good follows.

Crystal Rowland: happy thoughts. I don't know, just like I was telling you about the Braves game that's coming on at Was something like,

Rod Richard: I don't want it.

Crystal Rowland: you know, I got a game going, you know, so you this is the time where you once again getting to know yourself, your lights, your dislikes, and so just remove those bad emotions.

Rod Richard: Just remove those bad emotions.

Crystal Rowland: Fill it up with good ones so therefore it lifts your spirit before you re enter as well and see the people who you love and who

Rod Richard: Fill it up with good ones. So therefore it lifts your spirit before you re enter as well and see the people who you love.

Crystal Rowland: love you as well. So just set aside that timer and to keep it short and sweet. Set aside that timer to check yourself. And and go ahead.

Rod Richard: Yeah. And correct me if I'm wrong. I I think if if you're if you're identifying those things that are throughout the day, I think just listening to that, I I think you realize that the things you identify aren't the family you're about to go see. Right? Like you're identifying like something that happened at work or somebody did this or somebody did that, somebody cut me off in traffic or but none of that was my wife was my

Crystal Rowland: Right. Yeah. Exactly. Your family didn't have anything to do with that. So don't bring that mess to them. you froze on me. Right. You froze on me. I can't hear you and you're frozen. So I hope you can hear me. Rob will be back in just a moment, everyone. He's having technical difficulties. So one moment, please. There you go. Huh. I told them you'll be back in a moment.

Rod Richard: Yeah. The internet is is it's it is what it is. so but you'll be back in a moment. Well thank you. the g I think the cool thing about Riverside is it records on both sides, so I'll be able to to ed edit it and and that part'll disappear. But

Crystal Rowland: Okay. okay, okay. So I didn't have to tap so I tap dance and everything for no reason. Yeah. Okay, in the bloopers, huh?

Rod Richard: Yeah. That's that's all right we'll put it we'll put it in outtakes. Yeah, yeah. okay, like so so in in in closing, I guess where where where are guys able to find you at? Like I mean hearing you talk, even I w I'm taking stuff away from this that I have to work on. And I'm sure guys are hearing it and like, man, I okay, I get it, but I need some guidance. And so that being the case, what is the best way for them to to reach you, to, you know, a ask you questions, find out more about the the work that you do, maybe bring you on to do some work with them or for them. Who how would how would how would they go about doing that?

Crystal Rowland: That's a good question. so I help organizations in high pressure environments to regulate, reframe, and reenter. And so what guys can do is well for all of your wonderful podcast listeners, I do have a free guided reset. It's only 90 seconds because once again, not once again, but our attention span is really really really short as you know especially unfortunately with guys you know like like you said working out driving doing this doing that so our tension span is really short so I created these 90 second guided resets that are corporate friendly so you can listen to it at work as well and if you are a decision maker in an organization you can even have it embedded into your system because out of sight out of mind right so when employees you know have access to something on a regular basis and see it on a regular basis, they get to use it. so therefore I've created 90 second recess to help you in the moment. And you can go to path to serenity.info forward slash podcast. So it's path the number two, serenity.info forward

Rod Richard: Serenity.info.

Crystal Rowland: slash podcast. I have a free 90-second guided reset called The Present Leader, where you guys can listen to right before a difficult conversation, right after a difficult conversation, difficult meeting, and you just need that reset even before you go home. You can listen to it on your way home, wherever you have that window there to just kind of in short terms check yourself. And and therefore you can you know go to the podcast and download the free reset

Rod Richard: Right, right.

Crystal Rowland: and just go to my website and you can schedule a fit call if your team, if your manager and your team is

Rod Richard: Mm. Yeah.

Crystal Rowland: you know, want to reduce stress, you can also go to my website and do a two-week I'm sorry, schedule. a two-week pilot to see if the reset work or not in the workplace for your team. But you can listen to it individually as well.

Rod Richard: Awesome. Awesome. and so path to serenity dot info, the number two. The number two.

Crystal Rowland: Yes, the number two, path the number two, serenity dot info forward slash podcast. And

Rod Richard: Awesome.

Crystal Rowland: your people will have a free guided reset. And it's from me,

Rod Richard: Awesome, awesome.

Crystal Rowland: it's my voice, it's not AI. Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard: Okay. That's what's up. All right. Well, Crystal, th thank you for joining me and and thank you for giving fathers these kind of practical ways to keep workplace stress from controlling how they show up at home, right? for for every father that's listening, listen guys, your family understands that you have pressure. but what they need is communication. They need repair. They need your presence overall. And if you give yourself a moment to reset, then you get to walk through the door ready to reconnect. so again, thank you, Crystal. You can learn more about Crystal and the Path to Serenity as we just mentioned on her website at pathtoserenity.info. this has been another episode of the Forfeit Fatherhood Podcast. Remember, fellas, winning at home means sorry, winning on the road or winning away from home means nothing if you can't win inside. And so take care of yourself, take care of your family, and I'll see you on the next episode. All right.